GETTING RID OF ONE OF THE BIGGEST FALLACIES OF ALL TIME
It’s the fallacy that “women don’t support other women”
What is a fallacy? Well in short “a mistaken belief, especially one based on unsound arguments” and one of the oft repeated fallacies is that women don’t support other women. This is often repeated by men and unfortunately women who are constantly trying to blame everyone else for their own failings. To demand that all women support you just simply because you are anatomically similar is just as much fanaticism and sexism as saying that all men should support other men.
I grew up with tough love. Note: emphasis is on love not tough, but I was never allowed to give excuses for my failings. I learnt that yes there will be people — women and men — who for one reason or another (or no reason at all) may not like you or what they think you represent, they may make your life ‘difficult’ but that is no excuse! The only option is to do better and to excel!
What I also learnt is regardless of difference in income, education, race there are moments when we connect because of our similarities — that is undeniable. We, women, get much more ‘support’ at times in hair salons and locker rooms (yes there is female locker room talk but is centered on family, relationships unlike the purported male locker room talk). We give advice and open up about our insecurities among women as these are considered safe places. We at times connect and meet up for coffee to discuss workplace dilemma or exchange ideas on a project in cities. However I connected very much with the young woman farmer in Mtwara who hid her crops in a small granary disguised in the garden from jealous neighbors. I identified with the nurse in Rukwa who told me that she had to sit through two shifts (36 hours) because her colleague was sick but she knew that she had no option. I saw their struggle and left words of encouragement but also left inspired by their relentless efforts. We of course talk about how tough it is for a woman in Tanzania and in the world, but what is more important is to listen and to give some word of encouragement the best we can. At times all a woman needs to hear is. “You can do this” regardless of what she wants to do. That we do every day. I never faced a woman telling me that I cannot do something — never! And that’s why I say we women support each other in seemingly small but in a very meaningful way! That is why I am grateful also to my Father, my husband and to all men in my life who have done so much by just saying “You can do this” and let me figure it out.
In case today you are in need of some daily dose of encouragement, there will be plenty on Women’s Day but you can always count on me to tell you any day that you can do this. The rest is up to you to figure it out!
We are used to hearing “You need to man up” or “grow a pair of balls” because men are considered tough and resilient while we women are considered fragile and in constant need of help. Well how about we say, “You need to woman up!” Quit complaining that no one is supporting you, or other women don’t support you, instead find the people who will tell you that Yes! You can! And excel!
On Women’s day we have to celebrate the fact that despite the challenges and the many tough roads ahead, together collectively women AND men, we have made progress and will continue to make progress. We do have to protect the young and vulnerable and also remember to tell them also that Yes! You can!
I personally am grateful to women who have been trailblazers and inspired me to break through the walls that I had erected in my mind and that were erected by society. I am proud to be the product of the upbringing of my parents, my family, my mentors and my colleagues. And despite the known challenges of how you have to prove 10 times more as a woman to be recognized I say I appreciate more all the work and effort I have put in to make my life than any recognition I may receive. Because I am glad that I got to experience all this — it only made me better and stronger!
Happy International Women’s Day and much love to all the sisters!
